Hubby having an affair

“Don” and I have been married for 43 years. I thought we had a good marriage, but my trust has been shaken recently.

Dear Annie: “Don” and I have been married for 43 years. I thought we had a good marriage, but my trust has been shaken recently.

Don retired four years ago. He told me a former co-worker, “Lulu,” had emailed to ask to meet for lunch and catch up on the latest office gossip. It sounded pretty innocent to me, so I had no objection. Then my world turned upside down.

Last week, I ran into another of Don’s ex-co-workers, who informed me that Don and Lulu had been having lunch together a few times a week for the past four years. He said their obvious attraction was well known at the office.

Annie, Don never once mentioned these lunches to me. When I asked him point blank, he became quite upset and said there was nothing going on. I said I wanted the lunches and emails to end. He replied that he won’t initiate contact, but if Lulu emails him, he will respond. I find this unacceptable. Yesterday, Don said Lulu invited him to the office picnic. He plans to go, but said I shouldn’t attend because I’d be bored to tears. I told him if he attended this picnic without me, I would have to consider my next step. He thinks I’m bluffing. My best friend says I didn’t come down hard enough. She thinks I should move out and then tell our children, who have always admired their father.

What is your take on all this, Annie? — Nervous Wife

Dear Nervous: Don doesn’t want you at the picnic because he wants to be with Lulu (assuming there actually is a picnic). You should insist on going with him. Whether this is an affair or just a flirtation, Don is showing appalling disregard for you. Out of respect for your marriage, he needs to stop all contact with Lulu immediately. Try not to bring the children into this mess. Your next step should be counselling. Tell Don the marriage is in serious trouble, and ask him to come with you. If he refuses, go without him and figure out what is best for you.

Dear Annie: A few weeks ago, my older sister invited my children and me on a day trip. She also invited a bunch of other people and family members.

On the day of the outing, she stopped by my house and asked me not to come. She told me she had invited my ex-boyfriend, a guy I had dated for seven years. We split up two years ago because he didn’t have the ability to remain faithful. My sister insists they are not dating, and that may be true, but it has really hurt me that she chose him over me. Knowing she had already invited my family, why would she ask him on the trip? She claims she did nothing wrong.

My sister has always been my best friend. I am so upset about this. How does our relationship recover? — Miss My Sis in Pennsylvania

Dear Miss: Your sister was both rude and inconsiderate. Regardless of what she says about not dating your ex-boyfriend, she is definitely interested in him. That may not be a wise move on her part, but she’ll have to learn the hard way. Tell her you are hurt, ask her not to do this again, and then try to forgive her.

Dear Annie: This is in response to “Fed-Up Mom,” whose 18-year-old son refuses to brush his teeth. We had a similar experience.

The lack of hygiene turned out to be the first warning sign that our son had mental illness. It took several years for more symptoms to appear, and by then, he was over 21 and we could no longer force him to get treatment.

I suggest these parents check with their local NAMI chapter about what to watch for. — Another Mom

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Ste. 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045.

Get local stories you won't find anywhere else right to your inbox.
Sign up here

Just Posted

There were six additional deaths across Alberta reported over the past 24 hours, bringing the death toll to 1,926 since the beginning of the pandemic. (File photo)
AstraZeneca vaccine is ready to be used at a homeless shelter in Romford, east London, Wednesday, Feb. 3, 2021. THE CANADIAN PRESS/AP-Frank Augstein
AstraZeneca-linked blood clot confirmed in Alberta

A case of an AstraZeneca-linked blood clot has been confirmed in Alberta,… Continue reading

The Red Deer Catholic Regional Schools Board of Trustees selected the name St. Lorenzo Ruiz Middle School to be built in the north end of Red Deer. (Photo Courtesy of  Red Deer Catholic Regional Schools)
Red Deer Catholic Regional Schools raises about $8,720 for Terry Fox Foundation

Red Deer Catholic Regional Schools raised about $8,720 for the Terry Fox… Continue reading

A nurse gets a swab ready at a temporary COVID-19 test clinic in Montreal, on Friday, May 15, 2020. Health Canada has reversed course on home test kits for COVID-19, saying it will now review applications for such devices. THE CANADIAN PRESS/Paul Chiasson
Alberta declines Ontario’s request to send health-care workers

Alberta is “not in a position” to send health-care workers out of… Continue reading

The Red Deer Rebels allowed four straight goals from the Medicine Hat Tigers Friday night on the road. (Photo by Rob Wallator/ Red Deer Rebels)
Tigers hand Red Deer Rebels 10th straight loss

Tigers 4 Rebels 2 Through 17 games in the shortened WHL season,… Continue reading

Red Deer Public Schools will not pilot the new draft curriculum at its elementary schools. (File photo contributed by Red Deer Public Schools)
UPDATED: Red Deer Public Schools says no to piloting new curriculum

Alberta Teachers’ Association support school boards

Ontario Premier Doug Ford points on a COVID-19 caseload projection model graph during a press conference at Queen's Park, in Toronto, Friday, April 16, 2021. Ontario was set to backtrack on controversial new police powers to enforce stay-at-home orders implemented in the battle against COVID-19.THE CANADIAN PRESS/Frank Gunn
Ford backtracks on new police COVID-19 powers amid intense backlash

TORONTO — Furious criticism of new anti-pandemic powers that allow police in… Continue reading

The official program for the National Commemorative Ceremony in honour of Prince Philip, The Duke of Edinburgh, sits on an empty pew prior to the ceremony at Christ Church Cathedral in Ottawa on Saturday, April 17, 2021. THE CANADIAN PRESS/Sean Kilpatrick
Prince Philip remembered as ‘a man of great service’ during Canada’s memorial service

Canada’s commemorative ceremony in honour of the late Prince Philip offered a… Continue reading

CF Montreal head coach Wilfried Nancy speaks to his players during the team's practice Tuesday, March 16, 2021 in Montreal. THE CANADIAN PRESS/Ryan Remiorz
CF Montreal puts on a show, defeating Toronto FC 4-2 in MLS season opener

FORT LAUDERDALE, Fla. — CF Montreal, carving open Toronto FC’s defence, cruised… Continue reading

Demonstrators using umbrellas as shields approach a point in a perimeter security fence during a protest over the fatal shooting of Daunte Wright during traffic stop, outside the Brooklyn Center Police Department, Friday, April 16, 2021, in Brooklyn Center, Minn. (AP Photo/John Minchillo)
Journalists allege police harassment at Minnesota protests

Some journalists covering protests over the police fatal shooting of Daunte Wright,… Continue reading

A container ship is docked in the Port of Montreal, Wednesday, February 17, 2021 in Montreal.THE CANADIAN PRESS/Ryan Remiorz
Montreal dockworkers begin weekend strikes as talks drag on

MONTREAL — Dockworkers at the Port of Montreal kicked off a series… Continue reading

Brad Dahr, 53, is facing numerous charges. (Photo contributed by Alberta RCMP)
Alberta man charged for alleged sexual offences against children

An Edmonton man has been charged for alleged sexual offences against children… Continue reading

A person walks past a COVID-19 mural designed by artist Emily May Rose on a rainy day during the COVID-19 pandemic in Toronto on Monday, April 12, 2021. Employment lawyers say flouting COVID-19 public health orders when off the job or coming into work while knowingly sick could warrant discipline in the workplace. THE CANADIAN PRESS/Nathan Denette
Risky pandemic behaviour off the clock could mean workplace discipline: lawyers

CALGARY — Employment lawyers say flouting COVID-19 public health orders when off… Continue reading

Vials containing Russia's Sputnik V vaccine for COVID-19 are seen at the San Marino State Hospital, in San Marino, Friday, April 9, 2021.  THE CANADIAN PRESS/AP-Antonio Calanni
China, Russia using their COVID-19 vaccines to gain political influence

OTTAWA — China and Russia have been using their locally produced COVID-19… Continue reading

Most Read