Dear Annie: My husband, “George,” seems to feel the need to constantly grope me. I mean from the time I get up in the morning until he leaves for his overnight shift, he’s trying to grab my breasts or squeeze my bottom. He does this whether we’re at a movie theatre, the museum or the zoo. He does it when we’re walking outside, when he’s driving and even if I’m trying to cook. If he’s not trying to grope me, he’s talking about sex. He does it in public, too, and even in front of my in-laws. It’s his favourite, actually his only, topic of conversation.
During the time we dated and for the first three years of our marriage, George and I had normal conversations about sports, politics, movies and books, but now it’s only sex, sex and more sex. Frankly, I can’t take much more of this. I’ve tried talking to him nicely about the constant groping, I’ve gotten angry, I’ve tried diplomacy, and I’ve redirected his hands. I’ve told him bluntly how insulting it is to be grabbed while we’re in a restaurant and how alarming it is when he talks about sex during a concert. But it goes in one ear and out the other. When I try to steer the conversation into other areas, he always brings it back to sex.
For medical reasons, my sex drive isn’t what it used to be. I try to accommodate George, and we are intimate even when I’m not feeling well. George is 52 and in fairly good health. He isn’t on any medications, nor has he had any injuries that would account for this. I’m tired of the incessant groping and sex talk. How do I deal with this before I scream? — Married to an Octopus
Dear Married: Get your husband to a doctor for a complete checkup, including a neurological exam. George’s fixation on sex is making it difficult for his brain to focus on anything else. If he is unable to control himself in public or in front of his own parents, it could indicate a serious medical problem.
Dear Annie: Our office atmosphere is friendly and casual, and we emphasize an “open door policy” to encourage this. The problem is one co-worker who constantly and loudly says, “Yuk, yuk, yuk, yuk!” It has nothing to do with humour. If someone walked in and told him the building was on fire, his response would be, “Yuk, yuk, yuk, yuk!” He also constantly whistles, snaps his fingers, etc.
He’s a nice, considerate fellow, but he’s driving some of us to close our doors, and we wonder whether there’s a nice way to tell him his noisiness is a huge nuisance. Are these nervous tics that can be treated? — Distracted in Los Angeles, Calif.
Dear Distracted: It sounds as if your co-worker may have Tourette syndrome, a neurological disorder defined by multiple involuntary motor and vocal tics. We are certain he’s doing the best he can to control these sounds, so please be tolerant. You can get more information through the National Tourette Syndrome Association (tsa-usa.org).
Dear Annie: I read the letter from “Beyond Sad,” who is thinking of leaving her marriage after 40 years. I know how she feels. I left my husband after 38 years.
She should go for it because she will realize how happy and relieved she will be when she isn’t stressing over every little thing she does. Like my ex, no matter what you do or don’t do, it will never be good enough. She is making herself sick by staying in an unhappy marriage. Being with family and friends who love you is the best therapy you can have. I never believed in a million years I could be this happy. I’m single, enjoying life and not worrying how to please a man who will never tell you he loves you. — Happy Single
Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254.