Dear Annie: I’ve been married for 40 years and am now retired. While working, I became infatuated with “Lucy,” a co-worker.
We became friends, and after one of our many lunches, we took the rest of the day off, stayed at her house, and you can guess what happened.
Annie, it was a tragic mistake that I wish I could take back. Unfortunately, what’s done is done. My wife found out from a business associate, and she told me to leave. There was no discussion, no counselling, nothing.
Let me tell you, the grass is NOT greener on the other side. Right now, my wife and I are separated, and I am living with Lucy, but I’m not happy. Lucy is not the person I thought she was. We don’t like the same music, the same TV programs or even the same foods. She complains that I use her computer too much and don’t cut the grass as neatly as her lawn service. She doesn’t want me staying up past midnight because the TV keeps her up, so I go to bed earlier than I’d like. My wife never complained about any of these things. Lucy is also not as attractive as I once thought, especially when all that makeup comes off.
I want to return home and see whether anything can be salvaged from my marriage. I took my wife to lunch the other day. She told me she’s amazed to learn that she can actually make it on her own. She won’t discuss divorce, which gives me some hope. My daughter says her mom might be willing to go to counselling, but my wife tells me that there’s no way to regain the trust.
Lucy thinks I took my wife to lunch to discuss divorce, not reconciliation. Is it too late for my wife and me to rebuild? — Grass Not Greener
Dear Grass: Maybe not, although we have to say your reasons are rather superficial. Lucy isn’t attractive enough? Your wife never complained about the TV? We hope there is more behind your regret than the disruption of your comfort levels. Please move out of Lucy’s house before you attempt to reconcile.
It will show commitment. Then ask your wife to go with you for counseling. If she refuses, tell her you will be going on your own to learn how to become worthy of her trust.
Dear Annie: I am sick and tired of getting bad haircuts. I have found that stylists tend to cut hair the way they want to, not the way you want them to. I try my best to communicate with the stylist, and I even bring in pictures of hairstyles I like. I realize my hair texture is different and it won’t be exactly the same. But I know my hair.
So I would like to tell all of the hairstylists out there to please listen to your customers. If you don’t believe a particular hairstyle will work, then discuss other options. Also, if you don’t feel confident creatin
g a certain style, please be honest and say so. But don’t simply cut someone’s hair the way you want instead of the way the customer wants it. — Tired of Getting Bad Haircuts
Dear Tired: Most women have a regular stylist who becomes familiar with their hair. If you are not happy with your hairdresser, find another. Ask your friends for recommendations, or ask women in the mall and grocery for the names of their stylists. Pictures are good, but also be very specific about what you want, and spend time talking before any cutting begins. Don’t give up.
Dear Annie: The letter from “Sad Student” touched my heart. He said one of his teachers died and there was no mention of his teaching career in the death notice.
When writing my parents’ obituaries, I learned that the longer they are the more expensive it can get. Very possibly, the teacher’s family could not afford a longer death notice.
As you said, a letter to the editor by the student or a letter to the family would be a wonderful tribute and very much appreciated. — NY
Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to firstname.lastname@example.org, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254.