Dear Readers: As promised, one more day on counselling:
Dear Annie: Is counselling helpful? You bet. Every person sees a situation differently. Counsellors give us a viewfinder into the other side so we can empathize and understand. They teach us that conflict is normal and healthy and give us the skills to fight fair. Counsellors help us see how our past experiences may affect our current circumstances.
They let us vent our frustrations without being judgmental and guide us to change for the better.
Counsellors teach us to stop wishing for someone who doesn’t exist. — Problem Gone
From California: My husband and I went to counselling every week for three years. The counsellor was terrific, and I learned a lot about how to cope. However, at the end of three years, I asked my husband whether he was planning to make any changes, and he said, “No.” So I said, “Why are we wasting the money?”
Kentucky: For my girlfriend and me, counselling has been nothing but a waste of time and money. We’ve gone through several counsellors, each with no results. We’ve been told things such as, “Just keep working at that, and it will get better,” “Go out and buy this book, it will help you,” and “If this isn’t working, you can’t be trying hard enough.
Greensboro, N.C.: My wife left me for another man, and I became a single father raising a troublesome son.
My sister suggested counselling, and one day, on impulse, I drove to a family counselling centre and sat in the waiting room.
A woman asked if I needed help, and I said, “I think so.” She didn’t say anything, but the waterfall came. I couldn’t stop talking, and so many things rolled out of my mouth and eyes that they surprised me.
When I got outside of the building, I felt 30 pounds lighter. It was all I needed to focus on the things before me from then on.
Fairfield, Conn.: When I separated from my wife of 11 years, I was totally unprepared to live alone. I missed my kids and was not sleeping well.
One Sunday when I was distraught, I went to a phone booth and called a number for help in the Yellow Pages.
I spilled my guts about my life, and this person gave me the name and phone number of a counsellor and arranged an appointment. This counsellor was an angel from heaven. He pushed me to confront my mother’s death, which I had never gotten over. Now, 31 years later, I’ve been remarried for 28 years and am doing fine.
Over the years, I have learned to realize that not all women are going to leave me. Seeking help was the best thing I’ve ever done for myself.
Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Ste. 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045.