Dear Annie: My boyfriend and I informally agreed to move in together once I’m out of college and he is in grad school.
Right now, we have a long-distance relationship.
Here’s the problem.
I recently found a two-year MFA program overseas that I’ve fallen in love with. I told my boyfriend that I’d like to apply, and initially, he seemed happy for me.
But whenever I want to discuss the details, he directs the conversation elsewhere.
I know this program means more time away from him, and I don’t expect either of us to change our plans.
But it seems he expected me to move in with him wherever he ends up going for his master’s.
Even if I don’t get into the MFA program, I still want to explore the world before settling down with him. He doesn’t seem to get it.
Also, how do I get my parents to support my decision to go overseas? I know they will claim that I won’t be safe and ask me why an American school isn’t good enough. I don’t want them to yell at me. — Pennsylvania
Dear Pennsylvania: One of the signs of adulthood is taking responsibility for your choices and being confident in the face of objections from others. You should listen and take into account those whose opinions you respect (such as your parents and boyfriend), but the final decision is yours, good or bad. Own it.
A program abroad is usually an opportunity for growth. A boyfriend who pressures you to behave in ways that benefit him but not you could be a problem in the future. Please acknowledge that these people will miss you and worry about you, but also reassure them that this program is beneficial for your education and maturity, and you will stay in close contact. The yelling and disapproval is something you will simply have to endure until things settle down.
Dear Annie: “Paul” asked who should pay the greens fees when friends visit and ask to play golf at his facility. Having played golf for many years, I feel that everyone pays his or her own greens fees. It’s just an automatic thing, no questions asked. Simply walk up to the desk and pay your own way. It’s the polite thing to do, especially if you want to be asked to play again. — Shreveport
Dear Shreveport: Thanks. Here’s one more:
Dear Annie: Try to take the money out of the equation. When we go visit our friends and relatives, we pay. When they come visit us, we pay. We’re just pleased to see them. — Happy in Tennessee