Dear Annie: I am a college freshman. My sister, “Katie,” is a sophomore in high school. I am on good terms with many of her friends. One, “Jessie,” is a bit wild.
In November, Jessie messaged me on Facebook.
She said she had transferred to a private school because the public school “wasn’t good for rebels.”
She told me she drank and attended crazy parties. She said she often does her homework “while hammered,” and that she was writing me during Spanish class.
When I came home for winter break, I mentioned the conversation to Katie.
She believes if I send this to Jessie’s parents, it will cause a huge rift between our families.
She thinks I should send it to Jessie’s school because they are the only ones who can effect any change.
Should I send this to her school? Wouldn’t they question my motives, especially since
I’ve waited so long to do anything? — Confused College Student
Dear Student: You have no idea whether Jessie is telling the truth or simply trying to shock you.
The message could even be a cry for help, in the hope that someone will care enough to be upset with her.
Her parents are already aware of her problems, and we doubt the school is oblivious.
On your next trip home, it would be a kindness to drop by and talk to Jessie’s parents.
Ask how she’s doing. If they think their daughter has shaped up, you should express your concern that this may not be so.
You also can suggest to Jessie that she talk to the school counselor.
But beyond that, we caution you to stay out of it.
Dear Annie: My fiance, “Steve,” has a rocky relationship with his sister, “Sara.” We live in New York and are planning to marry next year in Georgia. The problem is, Steve doesn’t want Sara to be a bridesmaid, because he thinks she will create drama, and he doesn’t want our day to be about her.
But she is going to be my sister-in-law, and I’d like her to be one of my bridesmaids. I hope to build a close relationship with her in the future.
Since she will have to travel from New York to Georgia to attend the wedding anyway, I cannot imagine not asking her to be in the bridal party.
My sister and brother will be attendants, along with one of my cousins.
Steve has promised to abide by your advice. — New York
Dear New York: We think you should give Sara the opportunity to do the right thing. It could be a good way for her to make amends for past hurts and be closer to her brother.
Everyone deserves a second chance. If she becomes difficult or problematic while you are making wedding plans, it is OK to tell her you think she might prefer to attend the wedding as a guest.
Dear Annie: I’d like to tell “In Doubt” that if she has a gut feeling that her husband is having an affair, he probably is.
Had anyone asked who had the most perfect marriage, the answer would have been my husband and me.
After 40 years, I believed he was honest and sincere, but he began flirting with a younger woman in our neighbourhood.
When I asked him about little things that bothered me, he always assured me there was nothing going on.
When I finally discovered the truth, the affair had gone on for four years.
He’d taken this woman on vacation (supposedly a men’s fishing trip) and met up with her for sex in all sorts of places.
It was new and exciting to him.
So, if you have that gut feeling and there are worrisome signs, hire a detective.
You may not think he would lie, but men get so carried away and feel so young that they would say anything to be able to continue. — Been There
Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254.