Trash-talking girls make everyone feel like garbage

I overheard a conversation between Girl A and Girl B, in which they were talking about how strange and unaccepted Girl C is.

Dear Harlan: I overheard a conversation between Girl A and Girl B, in which they were talking about how strange and unaccepted Girl C is.

B says that C is strange, and every time C approaches her wanting to hang out, or wants to be invited to parties, or wants to group together in class, B tries to scare her away.

Girl A continuously asks why Girl C is so strange. Girl B says that she wears the same dress all the time and has a lesbian friend with a mohawk, and therefore is too strange to hang out with. As I witnessed this conversation I wanted to turn to the girls and say “Remember (name of any school shooting)? Don’t you think this is the kind of behaviour that induces those?” But I could only stay silent, thinking that maybe this isn’t one of those situations. Should I have spoken up? — Bystander

Dear Bystander: Feel bad for the ugly girls making the ugly comments. They are the miserable ones. The reason Girl A and B are consumed with making everyone feel like less is because they never felt good enough.

Had you interrupted them, you would have been another target for them to attack. The best way to handle people like this is to stay out of their hate circle. Be extra kind to all and fill the world with joy and compassion. Should a friend or acquaintance make other people feel like less, take the opposing side. Help them see the world through a lens of compassion. If they get irritated, don’t apologize — being kind isn’t wrong. Let them learn from your example.

Dear Harlan: I’ve had a friend since fourth grade, and we’ve been best friends since sixth grade. I know this sounds cheesy, but for the longest time I always believed — truly believed — that she would be the maid of honour at my wedding.

Recently, I’ve come to the realization that we’ve grown apart. It’s not just the way she’s been acting since college started this year, it’s been her behaviour through the years.

I feel like I can’t be her friend anymore. In a lot of ways I’m not her friend anymore. My roommate and I are her two oldest friends.

We both have amazing boyfriends who really dislike her because, in their words, they don’t like how she’s always trampled all over us and taken advantage of us.

They’re right. Our friendship has always been very one-way, and I, for one, am tired of it. I can’t deal with her anymore, but she is in my high-school group of friends. She’s been so miserable lately. What do I do? I need advice. — Fading Friend

Dear Fading Friend: As a soon-to-be ex-friend and never-to-be bridesmaid, at least be honest. But first, take a step back. While you might feel resentment — it’s not completely fair. No one can take advantage of you without you letting him or her take advantage of you. Be upset with yourself that you weren’t able to set limits, but don’t blame her. She needs help.

Explain that you care about her and bring up the idea of her getting help. See what happens.

If she doesn’t get it, distance yourself from her. If she tries to trample your feelings, set boundaries and step aside. But be nice. That’s what ex-friends do.

Dear Harlan: You missed an opportunity to tell the young lady seeking the truth about “sex-seeking men” — we are not all this way. Deep down, many of us still see the person on the other side of her smile without wanting to rush into bed. My wife and I are coming up on our 50-year anniversary next year. We think it’s still possible. What we don’t need is more support for the hooking-up mentality.

Sex, in our minds, should be a deep but transitory emotion between two committed lovers who truly care for one another. Thank God for giving us men short memories of how wonderful sex is. Some of us are truly grateful for that feeling all over again. Our advice to that young woman who thinks of herself as a person and not an object: Don’t get used. Wait for the guy who sees your eyes and loves your soul. — Tom and Ruth

Dear Tom and Ruth: I agree. All men are not sluts. Millions of men are attracted to smiles, brains and personality. But that leads to a deeper attraction. And that leads to deeper intimacy.

And that leads to getting naked. All men and women will be sexual (people sworn to abstinence excluded). Survival of our species depends on it. The problem is that most people don’t know how to date before getting naked — they just know how to hook up. Dating means sharing feelings before getting naked. And that’s too scary. The best way to avoid getting hurt is to share time and feelings before getting naked.

Dear Harlan: I have a friend who I’ve known since middle school. When we were seniors in high school, I asked her to prom by putting a note on a pizza she was picking up from a bakery where I worked. We went to prom and it went well. The night of prom, I planned to take her to a little campsite and make s’mores (her favourite). We ran out of time and I had to take her home.

I told her about my plans and she said that I was so sweet and knew how to get to her heart. When the summer came along, she left early to attend a summer program at the college we would both be attending. When I finally saw her on campus, she wasn’t very responsive.

She hasn’t been since. I’ll be honest — I’m kind of hurt. She’s one of the few people I knew on campus. I know that there are 35,000 people on campus, and a lot of them are really attractive, but I need help handling this situation. Her recent actions are very uncharacteristic of her. — Shut Out

Dear Shut Out: Want to look attractive? Give her permission to not be interested in you romantically. Assume she’s too uncomfortable to tell you that she’s dating someone else or not interested. If you can be just a friend, make it clear to her that you’re cool with it. Mention how she didn’t seem to be herself and you were concerned. Once she knows you’re comfortable being a friend, she might be able to open up without feeling as if she’s leading you on. If you can’t be a friend, leave her alone. There are thousands of options – I mean, who doesn’t love s’mores?

Get local stories you won't find anywhere else right to your inbox.
Sign up here

Just Posted

Advocate file photo
Red Deer County approves winery

Winery proposed for rural property northwest of Innisfail

Sharis Carr, a nurse at the Aaron E. Henry Community Health Service Center in Clarksdale, Miss., holds a vial of the Johnson & Johnson COVID-19 vaccine that was administered to seniors, Wednesday, April 7, 2021. A second COVID-19 vaccine is being investigated for possible links to blood clots, though the syndrome appears to be extremely rare. THE CANADIAN PRESS/AP/Rogelio V. Solis
Canada receives report of blood clot linked to AstraZeneca

OTTAWA — A Quebec woman is the first in Canada to develop… Continue reading

Premier Jason Kenney struck back at unruly protesters who chanted ‘lock her up’ in relation to Chief Medical Officer of Health Dr. Deena Hinshaw on Monday. (Photo by Government of Alberta)
Alberta Premier calls for ‘unhinged conspiracy theorists’ to stop threatening the chief medical officer

Spreading misinformation, making threats is ‘beyond the pale,’ said Kenney

An internal investigation by AHS revealed 3,224 patients had their electronic health records accessed improperly by two clerical employees in the diagnostic imaging department at the Red Deer Regional Hospital Centre. (File photo by Advocate staff)
Employees access 3K patients’ records in privacy breach at Red Deer hospital

3,224 patients had their electronic health records accessed improperly

The Red Deer Boxing Club will be moving to a larger space, in North Red Deer. The programs need more room to grow, says founder Robert Carswell. (Photo by LANA MICHELIn/Advocate staff).
Red Deer Boxing Club is moving to north industrial site

The property was rezoned to accommodate recreational uses

An emergency response worker carries an air monitoring device at the site of a crude oil spill at a Trans Mountain Pipeline pump station in Abbotsford, on Sunday, June 14, 2020. THE CANADIAN PRESS/Darryl Dyck
Failed fitting caused 190,000-litre spill at Trans Mountain site in B.C.: TSB

VANCOUVER — A Transportation Safety Board report says the failure of a… Continue reading

Ottawa
Indigenous leaders, experts urge Ottawa to quickly pass UNDRIP bill before election

OTTAWA — Indigenous leaders and legal experts are pushing federal lawmakers to… Continue reading

Visitors to a roadside memorial pay their respects in Portapique, N.S., on Friday, April 24, 2020. The Canadian Red Cross confirmed today it has collected $6.2 million in donations to help the families in rural Nova Scotia affected by the mass shooting last spring that claimed 22 lives. THE CANADIAN PRESS/Andrew Vaughan
Red Cross collects $6.2 million for families affected by Nova Scotia mass shooting

HALIFAX — Canadians and people from around the world donated $6.2 million… Continue reading

Hindu devotees wearing face masks as a precautionary measure against the coronavirus stand in a queue to offer prayers inside a temple dedicated to goddess Kali in Jammu, India, Tuesday, April 13, 2021. New infections have surged in the past month and India has now reported over 13.6 million cases — pushing its toll past Brazil, and making it second only to the United States. In the past 24 hours, over 160,000 new infections have been detected and experts fear that the worst is yet to come. (AP Photo/Channi Anand)
Johnson & Johnson delays shot rollout in Europe

BERLIN — Johnson & Johnson says it is delaying the rollout of… Continue reading

Restaurant workers and restaurant delivery workers wait in line to sign up for Johnson & Johnson's COVID-19 vaccine at a mobile vaccine site, Wednesday, April 7, 2021, in the Sunset Park neighborhood of New York. The mobile vaccination effort includes two buses equipped with four to six vaccinators each, delivering the COVID-19 vaccine directly to communities most in need. (AP Photo/Mark Lennihan)
US recommends ‘pause’ for J&J vaccine over clot reports

WASHINGTON — The U.S. is recommending a “pause” in using the single-dose… Continue reading

FILE-Team Canada’s Meaghan Mikkelson fights for control of the puck with U.S.A.’s Hayley Scamurra during third period of Women’s Rivalry Series hockey action in Vancouver, Wednesday, February 5, 2020. Gina Kingsbury, Hockey Canada’s director of women’s national teams, hopes a Rivalry Series against the United States can happen this winter.THE CANADIAN PRESS/AP/Michael Dwyer
Canadian women’s hockey team to open selection camp in Nova Scotia

Six goaltenders, 15 defenders and 26 forwards will vie for spots on Canada’s 23-player roster

FILE - Rhian Wilkinson, left, and Melissa Tancredi of Canada’s women’s soccer team attend a news conference in Vancouver, Friday, Jan. 13, 2017 to announce their retirement from the team. THE CANADIAN PRESS/Jonathan Hayward
Former Canadian international Rhian Wilkinson now part of England coaching setup

Wilkinson left Canada Soccer in January to join interim England head coach Hege Riise as an assistant

Canadian actor/producer/director Jay Baruchel is photographed at the 5 Drive-In Theatre in Oakville, Ont., ahead of the premier of Baruchel’s movie Random Acts of Violence, Wednesday, July 29, 2020. THE CANADIAN PRESS/Cole Burston
Jay Baruchel to host Amazon Prime Video’s ‘LOL: Last One Laughing Canada’

Final comedian left standing wins a grand prize for a charity of their choice

Most Read