Dear Annie: My wife and I have been happily married for 27 years. We are both in our early 50s, physically fit and active. My wife looks the same today as the day we married. She’s extremely attractive.
The problem? She has no sex drive. She never really has. But in the past few years, her cold shoulders seem much more pronounced.
We currently have sex maybe once every two weeks. She seems to enjoy it once things get rolling. But when I ask why she prefers such infrequent encounters, she says “it’s too much work” and she “doesn’t have the need for it” like I do. The two times per month are great. But the other 28 days are frustrating. I would like more intimacy in our marriage and have asked her for it. But it doesn’t seem to be an issue with her, and she’s not particularly sensitive to my needs.
Any advice would be appreciated. — Frustrated in South Dakota
Dear Frustrated: Since your wife started marriage with a diminished libido, it’s unlikely to have improved at this point. Please ask her to discuss this with her doctor in order to strengthen your marriage.
She should be willing to make the effort, but if she refuses to address this, we hope you will not make sex the focus of your relationship. If your wife has other qualities that make her a good partner, try to concentrate on those. We know many folks — male and female — would be thrilled to have sex twice a month. Intimacy is important, but it isn’t everything.
Dear Annie: As a self-employed hairstylist facing the upcoming flu season, I would like to speak on behalf of all personal service providers.
Most of us work on a commission basis and do not have sick leave. If we are not at work, we don’t get paid. If we get sick from clients, we miss work and run the risk of infecting our fellow employees and our families.
Last year my Christmas holiday was ruined when I became sick because clients with fevers dragged themselves to the salon to get their hair done. Several coughed right in my face.
They’ve taken every over-the-counter drug on the market and can hardly keep their eyes open, but still think it’s OK to sit in my chair.
If your child is too sick to go to school, please don’t decide it’s a good day to get their hair cut because they’re home anyway.
If you are sick (sore throat, coughing, fever), please respect us and stay home. If you come in anyway, and we can see that you are sick, do not get insulted and storm off when we say we will not be able to perform your service that day.
We’ll be happy to do it when you are better. — Stylist Trying To Stay Well
Dear Stylist: Thank you for reminding people that we each have a responsibility to take our health and that of others seriously.
If you have a fever, cough, sniffles or other indication that you may be contagious, please stay home.
You’ll feel better — and so will everyone else.
Dear Annie: I’d suggest to “Any Name in Any City” that whatever is going on between her and her husband probably has nothing to do with her weight. I agree with you, Annie, that he is a bully and a verbal abuser.
My husband, an alcoholic, was both verbally and physically abusive to me when I was a petite 127 pounds after two children. I finally got him into treatment and myself out of the marriage. He dated 13 women in a year and then married a woman twice my size. Something else is going on, and you may never know what it is. Life is short. Get out. — California
Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254.