Woman tired of boyfriend hiding relationship

Dear Annie: I’ve been a widow for 15 years. I moved to another state to be with my kids and met “Jerry.” We’ve been dating for nine months.

Dear Annie: I’ve been a widow for 15 years. I moved to another state to be with my kids and met “Jerry.” We’ve been dating for nine months.

Jerry has been divorced for two years and has two adult children. His ex-wife was his childhood sweetheart and the only woman he’d ever been with.

The problem is, I have never been to Jerry’s house. He says his niece and youngest child live with him, and he hasn’t told the family about me. When I asked why, he said, “Then everyone will know it’s over between my ex and me.”

I think Jerry’s mother sustains the hope that he will get back together with his ex, and I’m pretty sure his ex would like that, too.

I gave Jerry a deadline of three months to make our relationship public. He swears he’s not still married, and he gave me a ring for Valentine’s Day. He spends the night at my house every week. I just want to know what you think. — Not Yet Official

Dear Not Yet: Either Jerry is still hung up on his ex-wife, or he’s too afraid of his mother to date anyone else.

If he were truly ready to move forward, seeing you publicly would not be an issue after nine months. Your deadline makes sense, but you must be ready to end the relationship if Jerry doesn’t come through.

That would mean he isn’t likely to ever be “ready.” Sorry.

Dear Annie: I’m planning my wedding and asked my best friend, “Kayla,” to be my maid of honor.

I love her like a sister. Right after college, Kayla made a mistake and got pregnant after a one-night stand with some guy she met at a bar. Her daughter, “Jessie,” is now 4 years old, a wonderful child and my goddaughter. I want her as my flower girl.

My mother liked Kayla until Jessie was born and she realized the child is biracial.

My mother hit the roof when she found out Kayla and Jessie are in the wedding party. She claims they are “tainted.” I am astounded and furious with my mother. Her side of the family is extremely racist, and I have little to do with them.

My mother always downplayed their behavior as “old fashioned,” but now that she’s older, she’s become just like them. Believe me, it’s not early-onset dementia or anything like that. She’s simply turning into her parents.

My fiance and I are footing the entire bill for this wedding, so we are not beholden to anyone. I’m shocked and embarrassed that my mother has become someone I can’t stand to be around.

She told my father and brothers that she won’t come to the wedding if Kayla and Jessie are there, and frankly, I’m relieved — and that bothers me.

My father is appalled by her behavior, as are my brothers. What do I do now? — Bigot’s Daughter

Dear Daughter: A parent’s preferences should be taken into consideration when they are reasonable, but your mother’s are not.

You can calmly discuss with her why her demands are abhorrent to you and that you hope she will reflect more rationally on the racist opinions she holds. But you cannot change her.

You can only decide how much you can tolerate. Please do not give in to her blackmail.

Dear Annie: You had a letter from “Suggestions Appreciated,” who wanted to know what to do about guests who track snow into her house.

You said it was OK to ask them to remove their shoes, especially if she provides comfy little slippers.

I have one more suggestion: Let people know beforehand that they will need to take off their shoes. I have a lift in one shoe and cannot go without them.

I have a special pair of shoes that I can bring along to wear inside the house if I know in advance that I will need them. — Frank

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254.

Get local stories you won't find anywhere else right to your inbox.
Sign up here

Just Posted

Quentin Lee Strawberry Photo from RCMP
O’Chiese man found not guilty of 2019 stabbing death of Red Deer man

Quentin Strawberry found guilty of assaulting murdered man’s common-law partner

"They’re angry. They’re frustrated,” Alberta Teachers’ Association president Jason Schilling says of his members, whose pension assets have been transferred to a provincial Crown corporation. (Photo contributed)
Only 17% of Albertans support draft curriculum: teachers’ association

Fewer than one-in-five Albertans support the provincial government’s draft K-6 curriculum, says… Continue reading

(Advocate file photo)
Lacombe man to apply to withdraw manslaughter guilty plea

Tyler John Campbell wants to change plea after judge rejected seven-year sentence

A dose of the Pfizer-BioNTech vaccine being prepared at the COVID-19 vaccination clinic at the University of Toronto campus in Mississauga, Ont., on Thursday, May 6, 2021. THE CANADIAN PRESS/ Tijana Martin
Canada to get two million Pfizer-BioNTech vaccine doses as provinces expand rollouts

OTTAWA — Canada is scheduled to receive two million doses of the… Continue reading

File photo
Arrest made for armed robbery in Millet, Wetaskiwin RCMP continue to investigate

Wetaskiwin RCMP are investigating an armed robbery took place May 4, 2021 in Millet, Alta.

NDP leader Jagmeet Singh listens to a question as he speaks with reporters on Parliament Hill, Wednesday, May 5, 2021 in Ottawa. Singh says he believes there's a connection between anti-mask and anti-lockdown protests and far-right extremism. THE CANADIAN PRESS/Adrian Wyld
Jagmeet Singh says link exists between anti-maskers and far-right extremism

OTTAWA — Federal New Democratic Party Leader Jagmeet Singh is the latest… Continue reading

Specimens to be tested for COVID-19 are seen at LifeLabs after being logged upon receipt at the company's lab, in Surrey, B.C., on Thursday, March 26, 2020. THE CANADIAN PRESS/Darryl Dyck
Iqaluit elders home evacuated after staff member tests positive for COVID-19

IQALUIT, Nunavut — An elders home in Iqaluit was evacuated on the… Continue reading

Minister of Families, Children and Social Development Ahmed Hussen takes part in an update on the COVID pandemic during a press conference in Ottawa on Tuesday, Oct. 27, 2020. THE CANADIAN PRESS/Sean Kilpatrick
Boost in near-term funds, risk should lure more social-finance investors, Hussen says

OTTAWA — Social Development Minister Ahmed Hussen says he expects changes to… Continue reading

Justice Minister David Lametti responds to a question during a news conference in Ottawa, Friday May 7, 2021. Canada's justice and heritage ministers will be recalled to justify a change to the Broadcasting Act that critics warn could erode the rights of individuals users who upload content to social media. THE CANADIAN PRESS/Adrian Wyld
Heritage committee to seek answers from ministers on C-10 changes

OTTAWA — Canada’s justice and heritage ministers will be recalled to justify… Continue reading

Young people line up for COVID-19 vaccines at Downsview Arena in Toronto on Monday, May 10, 2021. Ontario has just opened up vaccines for 18+ in high risk areas. THE CANADIAN PRESS/Frank Gunn
Vaccine rollouts expand, but COVID-19 caseloads still high in some provinces

There were signs of hope that Ontario and Quebec are making progress… Continue reading

Pharmacist Barbara Violo shows off a vile of the Oxford-AstraZeneca COVID-19 vaccine after providing doses to customers at the Junction Chemist in Toronto on Friday, March 12, 2021. Ontario will likely mix and match COVID-19 vaccine doses in light of uncertain future supply of all the shots approved for use in Canada. THE CANADIAN PRESS/Nathan Denette
Ontario likely to mix 1st and 2nd vaccine doses amid lack of AstraZeneca supply

TORONTO — Ontario will likely mix and match COVID-19 vaccine doses in… Continue reading

Opinion piece
Opinion: O’Toole’s carbon taxes would come with big costs for families

Erin O’Toole’s proposed carbon taxes would cost you more to heat your… Continue reading

Most Read