Woman tries to relearn trust with wandering husband

Question: Should I ask my husband to get tested for sexually transmitted diseases?

Question: Should I ask my husband to get tested for sexually transmitted diseases?

He recently ended an affair, and we’re working toward reconciliation.

It’s a touchy process and I don’t want to do anything that might suggest a lack of trust or that I haven’t forgiven him.

Jim: I’d strongly suggest that you both get tested immediately. The health risks and ramifications are too serious not to.

But I sense you don’t need to be convinced of this. Your bigger concern is that any suggestion of mistrust or lack of forgiveness may derail the reconciliation process.

While I can understand your hesitancy, medical testing has nothing to do with trust. It’s just a straightforward way of ascertaining some very critical facts.

There’s also a sense in which trust is a moot point at this stage in the game.

Your husband has already proven himself untrustworthy.

But if he’s truly interested in changing, he should admit this and face the consequences head-on. His willingness to do so is the only way he can expect to rebuild his relationship with you.

Finally, it’s important to understand that forgiveness and trust are two different things.

You can forgive your husband for his past waywardness, but this doesn’t mean that you should give him carte blanche for the future or necessarily take his word for it when he insists he’ll never stray again.

Through his actions he’s forfeited a degree of freedom and respectability.

Real healing and reconciliation between the two of you can’t occur unless he’s ready to be held accountable.

Trust can be restored only if accountability is maintained over a long period of time.

If you haven’t already, I’d suggest you locate a good counselor who can guide you through the reconciliation process.

Question: We just learned our teenage daughter is five weeks pregnant.

She and the father are only 17, and we’re trying to get them to think seriously about how they’re going to care for and support a child.

We’ve assured our daughter that our love for her has not wavered and that we’re thankful they’ve chosen life for the baby. But we’re frustrated that neither of them is open to adoption. Do you have any advice?

Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: Although it won’t be easy, I’d encourage you to take a low-key approach and not pressure them to make a decision right now.

If you do, they may react by proudly and publicly proclaiming that they’re determined to become parents.

At that point, it will be much harder for them to reverse course and consider adoption later on.

You also should refrain from making any commitments of financial or practical support.

After the dust has settled, encourage your daughter to contact your local pregnancy resource center.

These centers — which can be found by visiting the Option Line website (optionline.org), or by looking up “Abortion Alternatives” in the Yellow Pages — provide practical help and emotional support to those experiencing a crisis pregnancy.

According to some experts, many teen couples say early on that they aren’t interested in the adoption alternative. ºBut as time passes and they begin to consider what it really means to care for a baby, reality starts to set in. At that point, many teens are willing to take a second look.

In the end, it’s important that you honor their final decision. Though the hopes and dreams you had for you and your daughter look much different today, this news doesn’t mean your futures will be worse.

Catch up with Jim Daly at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

Just Posted

Rural transit service rolled out

2A South Regional Transit will link Innisfail and Penhold with Red Deer

Some Red Deer waste collection schedules change due to holiday season

Tuesday collections will be moved for two weeks

Red Deer ‘champion’ helps hospital by sharing ongoing petition

It’s been about three years since many physicians at Red Deer Regional… Continue reading

Red Deer Airport’s prospects are looking up for 2019

Ultra-low-cost passenger service is on the horizon

Funding down for Red Deer Christmas charities

Food hampers and toys for children going out to those in need

Alberta’s Sundial starts shipping to AGLC this week

Sundial’s Rocky View facility has received the green light from Health Canada… Continue reading

Penny Marshall dead at 75, best known as TV’s Laverne and director of ‘Big,’ ‘A League of Their Own’

Bronx-born Penny Marshall, who found ’70s sitcom success on “Laverne and Shirley”… Continue reading

Chabot scores overtime winner to lift Senators over Predators 4-3

OTTAWA — Thomas Chabot saw an opening and he took it. And… Continue reading

Canadian Marielle Thompson earns World Cup ski cross bronze in season opener

AROSA, Switzerland — Canada’s Marielle Thompson captured bronze at the opening World… Continue reading

Canada doesn’t make Oscars short list for best foreign language film

LOS ANGELES — Canada is no longer in the running for best… Continue reading

Warrant issued for arrest of ‘Schwimmer lookalike’ suspect

LONDON — A British judge has issued an arrest warrant for an… Continue reading

Moneywise: Canadian workers unhappy with pay, want pension plans

Many working Canadians are feeling underpaid and are so worried about their… Continue reading

Brazil police say faith healer has turned himself in

RIO DE JANEIRO — A celebrity faith healer accused of sexually abusing… Continue reading

B.C. hockey coach creates ‘gear library’ to remove cost barrier of sport

VANCOUVER — Nicola Froese says she has always loved playing sports, but… Continue reading

Most Read